The friend zone is many things for many people. For some, it is a dark and lonely place.
For some, it is the safety net where you can eat your cake and keep it.
So we compiled a list of the most popular friend zones in Nigeria. Look for your space.
1. The new media supplier.
This department is filled almost entirely with the guy folk. The ones that are remembered only when a new movie is out. Or a new album. Or a new episode of a show. But guys don’t like to finish last.
Girl: Do you have Season 2 of Empire?
Guy: *hates Empire but downloaded because he knows she’ll ask* Of course I have it. You want to come to my house to get it?
Girl: Erm. I’m tired, can you come to that place? (where there are like 1,000 people standing around and there’ll be no space for action.)
Guy: Of course, why not?
2. The student companion.
This one swings both ways,- male or female,- the role is not an easy one. Mark attendance, help out with assignments, and read for two so the not-very-smart other can copy during exams. But it never leaves the classroom, no matter how hard you work to make it happen.
3. The friendly neighbourhood buka.
Most of the credit for this category goes to the ladies. So when the boys catch the aroma, they fall in line.
They even call her sister and all that.
4. Your private Uber.
In this zone, the guys reign supreme. So you’ll see things like.
Girl: Hey, can you come and pick me up? I want to go and do this and that.
Guy: Of course why not?
5. Designated Ugly Fat Friend (D.U.F.F).
If there was any justice in this world, this category wouldn’t exist, but it does. Oh! but it does. Now, a guy sites a group of friends and likes one of them, so he cozies up to the D.U.F.F in their midst, and uses her to get to his real target.
6. The genetic engineering.
You grew up knowing the number of siblings you had, then someone comes out one day to start telling you, “You’re like a brother/sister to me.”
7. The LOL zone
Have you ever told someone how deeply in love you are with them via text and the reply was LOL?
No?
Me too.
8. The Grey Zone
Here, one of both parties automatically assumes there is a relationship until someone says “Oh I found this person I really like, and I think I’m in love.” And the other is like…
9. The unyielding fuck buddy
The friends with benefit. Everything they say sounds like “let’s get laid”. “What are you doing?” sounds like ”come over” etc.
10. The generator zone
This one is on the passive side of the zone spectrum. It mostly goes like this, “Is your generator on? I want to come and charge”, but this could swing in two ways. Proceed with tact.
11. Here’s a quick riddle?
What do we call those ones that have real relationship partners but still want you to hang around just in case the current relationship goes south?
The answer? Satan.
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