This is the worst Nigerian teacher no student could ever ask for

If I hear pim! That is the end of this exam for you!

Odunlade angry

In these moments, the teacher is Lord. He could make you get your meagre grades in peace, or secure your resit when he rips your answer sheets into many horrible halves and half of halves. Mr Hulk Hogan.

Hulk Hoga

“When they tell you to read your book, you’ll be playing about, watching film,” he says as he walks around the class, hawk eyes on deck.

black man

He stops to look at a student’s script, and with what he sees, he just shakes his head. The student looks up at him like:

Sweating man

“This one is going to become a mechanic last last,” he says in his mind.

Hands on head1

He goes to the next person and looks into her book. Shakes his head. Tailor.

Hands on head

“Hey you!” he points at someone at the extreme left of the classroom as if he’s caught a thief. “Stand up!” He ransacks the boy, dips his hands in boy’s pockets, checks his mouth. No chips. No paper. Nothing. He is disappointed.


“Last warning,” he tells the confused boy who still has no idea why 5 minutes of his time has just been wasted. Someone asks for extra sheet and the class groans.

many hands on head

“See serious student? The remaining of you are just writing rubbish.”

Everyone else in the class is just like:


“I’m very sorry for you students. Some of you will grow up and turn to area boys if you continue like this.”

They want to tell him to shut the fuck up, but they can’t, they just can’t. “And all of you girls, better find somebody that will just marry you, so that you’ll at least have something with your life.”

Caleon surprise

“5 more minutes!”

The exam hall is going crazy now. Everyone is rushing to do what they couldn’t for the last two hours. A guy is wondering why everyone is using a calculator and he isn’t.


In those moments, they struggle to write everything they can. It is their final Secondary Certificate exams. They say silent prayers for success in their minds, as if with one voice. They pray for exam success, so they can perhaps have a better shot at University. That way, they don’t end up bitter and frustrated, and sardonic, like their invigilating teacher.





When God was sharing chill, I was at the back of the line trying to start a fire.

No Comments Yet

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: