This week, the Nasarawa State House of Assembly gave us free entertainment when they decided to start throwing things like their seniors in Abuja.
First, God bless the netizen who made this. May you live long and prosper. We dissect the types of Nigerians based on this frame from one of many royal rumbles.
1. I cannot come and die.
At the slightest hint of trouble, they have already reached Cotonou.
They are the ones that travelled out of Nigeria during the last elections because they didn’t want to die.
2. I didn’t sign up for this shit.
These are the merry days people.
They are the police in the Aluu lynching video that were watching at the sidelines while the boys got burnt. They are the Abba Moros who believe it is genuinely not their fault that unemployed Nigerians died trying to get a job. Etc.
3. I was there when the trouble started but fuck this I’m out of here.
4. You will die today!
These ones just need a reason, and they are ready for action.
Question: list 2 attributes of a courageous person
My student: A courageous person can fight without wasting time pic.twitter.com/bsbtOCIA86
— F (@TillyTillie) December 13, 2014
They are the ones who make or destroy. The arrowheads.
5. Number 4! I dey your back!
They don’t even need to know why shit is going down, they just need someone to follow.
They are the ones they send to polling units to snatch ballot boxes, or do drive-by shootings, or deposit looted money at the bank. They just want to be moved around by someone.
6. Who has sugar? I need it for my tea.
They are completely oblivious or completely uninterested.
7. This is number 2’s job, not mine.
Their criterion for action is not whether it is right or wrong, but whether or not it is their job. They are the police who would drive past an accident scene even if they should be helping. They are the ones who would throw away their plastics anyhow, just to keep the “Leave trash for LAWMA” mantra. Because it is not their job.
Some are wired this way, some were sentenced there by the mind-your-business Nigerians.
8. The clickbait journos.
You look at this man and you understand why Nigerian headlines begin with REVEALED, SHOCKING, EXPOSED. We hear one of the scribes at the Presidency
wailing-wails lives for this way of life.
Honourable mention: Between 8-9er.
That guy with the camera. The mirror image to the guy who made this vide0. We thank them for blessing us with all the beauty and gore.
9. Let me just entertain myself from the safe distance and fuel it when I have to.
Sometimes they are the ones stirring chaos from a safe distance.
Pitting people against each other in their proxy wars. They are one of the smartest in the lot, just because they know all the right conditions that fit their interests. They are Nigerians everywhere from Lagos to New York.
10. MORE POPCORN!
You might not see them, but they see everything. They just don’t give a damn. Period.
Not because they are oblivious, but they just can’t be bothered at all. They don’t stop there. They find entertainment in all the chaos even if they can fix it. For them, its just another day at the cinema.
Are they the most dangerous? Possibly.