SPOILER ALERT
If you haven’t seen this episode of Rumor Has It, you should probably stop now and go watch it. But if you have, please go right ahead.
After everything that happened in episode three, we are more than ready for Rumor Has It to start to make sense. I want to like Obi but honestly so far, she’s just been halfway between a pot of cold akamu and a two dimensional bitch in heels stereotype. When will the snazzy writing I’ve come to expect from Ndani TV, thanks to Officer Titus and Gidi Up finally kick in? When?
Anyhow, episode four of Skinny Girl in Transit starts with Obi moping as usual. She is lying on the floor all dolled up in a broom closet kind of room, staring at the ceiling. Like girl, your man’s penis cannot stay in one place and we empathise but playing dead isn’t going to solve the problem.
Her ‘girl’ squad, comprising of bestie Jennifer and her brother’s wife come to cheer her up in the afternoon with bottles of wine. Are they all self-employed because while Obi is Nigeria’s biggest blogger, it seems a little far-fetched that three women with jobs will be drinking at 2 in the afternoon.
By the way, who was the genius that thought to give Jennifer a big, chunky body mike and receiver and hang it on her spaghetti strap blouse? And then proceed to film it for several seconds?
Who?
How can you people make such a blunder?
Anyhow Jennifer and the sister-in-law proceed to spend the rest of the episode talking about penis and sex. Jennifer talks about the stranger she almost slept with and how David, Obi’s best friend is a whore as well. They talk about Obi’s brother’s sex drive (he’s a 7 on a bad day and a 12 on a good day) and Wole gives greak knacks too. At some point Obi actually says,
“Who is Wole? A name of person, place, animal or thing?”
Ndani actually paid somebody to write this as dialogue?
Then Obi gets all livid when the conversation turns to Wole’s side chick, which is annoying because she never gets this angry about her work or her life or anything else.
It’s almost like these three independent successful women have nothing else to talk about except penis/Wole.
So over it.
Jennifer finally convinces Obi to stop moping and get some work done. When she gets to work, her poor P.A gets all the brunt of ‘bad bitch’ Obi. She screams at the poor girl about a post that went up without her consent, blowing an obviously minor lapse in communication up into an excuse to fire her.
Oshey, Obi the bad bitch,
Mrs Joffrey,
Oppressor of the office staff,
Cannot keep husband at home,
Only you. I dey hail o.
Someone calls; one of Obi’s blogger friends, and she has gist. Wole’s baby mama has given birth and there are pictures of Wole with her baby, as well as several screenshots insulting Obi and accusing her of having abortions and ‘destroying’ her womb.
You know, because we told you people we want to watch Africa Magic Yoruba.
The ‘concerned’ friend advises Obi to either call some shark blogger called Sylvia who plans to break the story and ask her to bury the story or do damage control and tell her side of the story and throw in some ”hard work, where I came from and women empowerment” , because right now Wole is controlling the narrative with ‘his two kobo slut’.
This felt like a dig at Linda Ikeji and the many times she’s had to reference her humble upbringing whenever she is caught up in a scandal.
So much shade, I didn’t think the writers had it in them.
Obi takes the former and calls ‘Sylvia’.
If Obi was annoying, and Jennifer has the acting range of a stainless steel plate, Sylvia is the equivalent of taking a runs girl and a struggling Lagos radio OAP (complete with fake accent,) joining them to create one person. She is horrible to watch, especially alongside Obi who is back to her ”I have no spine” routine.
Obi tries to beg Sylvia, Sylvia posts the story. The continuity people dig out their heartbeat soundtrack to show us that Obi is having a meltdown and after a few seconds of heavy breathing, Obi thrashes her desk.
Thank God this episode is only 12 minutes long, any longer and I might have entered my phone screen and beat some sense into Obi. When I’m done with Obi, I’ll beat the continuity people, then finish off with the writers.
Because all of them don’t have any sense.
I will watch (and give scathing reviews if I have to) Rumor Has It till the end of the season because I’m a masochist, but honestly unless you love bad television, please don’t bother.
LIFE LESSON: Rumor Has it has run out of lessons. Go home everyone.
Semira Bello is lacking in conscience and lives her life on Youtube. When she isn’t watching Iroko TV, she is writing ‘serious’ articles about fashion and pretending to apply make up.