Popcorn and Pepper: Obi comes clean on Rumour Has It episode 5

SPOILER ALERT

If you haven’t seen this episode, you should probably check it out right now. But if you have, let’s get to it then.

HAAAAAYYYYYY!!!!

GIF-face-OMG-shocked-tyra-GIF

Finally we get an opening scene befitting my emotions.

hallelujah
Prayer and fasting works guys

After the mess that was episode four, where Obi grovelled before rival blogger, Sylvia to kill a story being peddled by her husband’s baby mama, there is only one thing for Obi to do, tell her own side of the story.

 

 

about time

 

So our trusty continuity people pull out the stops; cue sad music, a wacky ass Tiwa Savage-esque blouse and a sob story that allows everyone involved in the story so far stay glued to their laptops.

They have free data sha.

 

Saraki1

Here is what we learn from Obi’s speech.

She and Wole had a miscarriage that no one knew about. She’s known Wole since she was 18 -which explains all the accusations about having abortions for him. Obi wants to expose other people’s gist but when it comes to her own personal matter, she wants privacy.

 

really bithc

AS IF!

She even goes as far as accusing Sylvia of trying to destroy her marriage, because you know Wole is a saint and so is the baby mama.

 

Bye
Bye

So much for writing intelligent multi-dimensional women.

Shoot me neow.
Shoot me neow.

After the performance, Obi goes to her office for another long, good cry, as she always does every single time she has to do something that requires her to have a spine. Her long suffering assistant comes to remind her of a meeting. She cleans herself up, makes herself presentable and leaves.

Yet another scene we could have completely done without.

Temple-Muse-Valentines-Event-in-Lagos-February-2014-BellaNaija-059-455x600

 

Up next is Obi’s sister-in-law presiding over some kind of restaurant. She is giving orders so we’ll assume she’s the owner/manager of the restaurant. Her husband, Arinze, Obi’s baby brother comes to visit her at work. He apparently has to travel to Abuja for a ‘conference’ because a number of ‘heavy hitters’ are going to be there.

 

for fucks sake

Might I announce at this point that we all watch Africa Magic and read Uncle Joro Olumofin’s Instagram ‘therapy’ so we know that when your husband goes for dodgy conferences and borrows money from you because his cheques don’t clear, he is obviously cheating on you.

youre welcome

If you’re going to copy tired Nollywood cliches, you might as well find the more interesting ones.

The very next scene sees Obi go to Sao Cafe- not so subtle product placement,- for drinks with the gang. Everyone shows up; David, Jennifer, even Arinze that collected money from his wife just that morning to attend a conference in Abuja. Jennifer throws out some inappropriate jokes, Obi acts nauseated. They drink, they dance.

We wonder why we needed to see any of this.

Bullshit

Then we see Jennifer and Obi at Obi’s office in the hot afternoon casually gisting. Her assistant barges into the office, interrupting their gossip and ‘Bitch Boss’ Obi immediately starts screaming at the girl, accusing her of entering her office without permission. The poor girl tries to explain that she has an urgent letter for Obi which has to be hand delivered.

Coulditbee?

Could you not?
Could you not?

The sudden urgency and the way everyone is squeezing face plus this show’s horrible track record of being able to maintain even the smallest modicum of suspense, already lets us guess that this is going to be a divorce letter.

Lo and behold it is.

No shit sherlock

A fitting climax for an episode that makes us question if Wole is actually the bad guy or just tired of his wife constantly playing the victim.

Shuts door

Tired.com.

LIFE LESSON: If you marriage fails, blame the gossip blogger who posted screenshots of the ruins of marriage, not the man who deliberately cheated on you for months.

 

Semira Bello is lacking in conscience and lives her life on Youtube. When she isn’t watching Iroko TV, she is writing ‘serious’ articles about fashion and pretending to apply make up.

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