“There are only about 20 murders a year in London and not all are serious-some are just husbands killing their wives.” – Scotland Yard Commander, G. H. Hatherill, 1954
Hatherill is probably very old or dead now, but his words are very much alive.
They are alive not just because we still regard them as normal, but because of how much of they go unnoticed, especially in Nigeria where a woman gets the eye an epileptic gets when she leaves her marriage or even refuses to get married.
Its 2 in the morning and the neighbourhood is as quiet as death, until wailing from a a house breaks the silence. The woman’s voice is screaming May day against the death her husband is delivering, with each punch, with each kick, with each fling.
Domestic violence is all too common. We all know this neighbourhood or someone who has lived in one. Men beat their women for reasons best known to them, but whatever it is, here are 7 problems the beatings will not solve.
1. It won’t make your dick bigger.
Insecurities are as human as blood. They creep up on us, mostly as self-doubt, but strength is in keeping it in check. Most men have worried about this at some point, even using rulers to see if they cross the ‘6-inch benchmark’. Mr man, beating her will not solve the insecurities you have between your thighs. The fact that you’re not touching the right places is not her fault. Maybe more practising will make you better, but practising with hands on her face, nope. Nope. Problem not solved.
2. It will not help your self-esteem.
A working class couple are doing just fine with their lives until you lose your job, and your wife becomes breadwinner. It’s hard for everyone. It’s hard for you because you want to assist your family. It’s hard for her because there is more pressure on her. She will be more irritable, more frustrated. No, it doesn’t always mean she has become more arrogant, it might just mean you have more free time on your hands to overthink stuff. Instead of beating her into the submission, get out and get your hands busy. Period.
3. It won’t help you understand that fear and respect are not the same.
Beating her to silence will not make you sound smarter. It just means she doesn’t want to interrupt you so you don’t start again. That’s fear. Respect, on the other hand, will make her loyal, and even adore you. Fear makes her do what you want when you’re present. Respect makes her go the extra mile in your absence.
4. It won’t make you a stronger man.
No sir, even though some women have the physical strength to floor their men, there’s a chance she’s not questioning your strength, and even if she is, there are people who have dedicated their lives to helping people attain this show of physical strength you so crave.
5. It won’t fix your children’s grades.
Your kids aren’t doing well in school, and its because they haven’t stopped thinking of the last time you beat mummy. They also believe they are the reason she has to endure it, because of the time she said, “I’m doing this because of you children”.
6. It won’t give you the control you crave so dearly.
Because the respect you are demanding is not enough, you want absolute control, so much so that you’ve broken her bones while beating her mind into the shape you want it; compliant, obedient. You took the lazy and shorter route because the path where you get to earn the respect you crave so much is long and requires hardwork, and those aren’t your strengths. Now ask yourself before you sleep, besides this woman I now control, is there any other aspect of my life I’m in control of?
7. It won’t give you the power to heal.
Look at her, lying down before you, covered in blood that you shed. She was moving a few moments ago, begging, but now she’s dead. How about you channel whats left of that energy into restoring her precious life?