#NigerianHorrorStory: ”I think my girlfriend is stalking me”

You know, women are so amazing.

Nod

They touch you tenderly and love you so intensely. My girlfriend is no different. From the day I first met her, even before I spoke to her, I had already started calculating bride price.

Betting Gif

When I finally got around to talk to her, fam, I couldn’t stop stammering. Hard guy like me. And she was just looking at me like.

woman1

But you see the day she agreed to date me, oh my days!

Dammy Krane dance

I called up my guys to tell them I’m already a married man. Because it just had to be her. No one else.

Its over

8 months, and our love had waxed rock solid. Fam, our story became what would have happened if Romeo and Juliet didn’t kill themselves.

Dammy Krane Prayer

But there was no feeling like the day she pulled the biggest shocker ever. She proposed to me.

Woman proposal

My babe went on one knee and asked to marry me. Fam I was like,

Pharell I do

You know the drill. We took selfies and Instagram and Twitter had to see it, and we went viral and all that.

Next gif

We just kept on loving each other and telling each other sweet things, and..moving on.

Nene Leakes look at you

One afternoon, I’m sitting in this really nice restaurant during office break. I’m here eating this food with chicken like my life depends on it and bae texts me.

www.partyjollof.com-Charles Okafor Nollywood eating

Her message reads, “Better keep small chicken for me”. And I’m just there like, how does she know I came to a restaurant to eat chicken?

Odunlade shock

I look around if I can find her and she’s nowhere. Then I ask her, “Babe, but how do you even know I am in a restaurant having chicken?”

black man

There’s no reply. Then five minutes later she says, “Remember you told me about it last week. I just assumed it was your new break time routine.”

confused baby

I can’t remember ever telling her, but I don’t want to argue before she reminds me of the shirt I wore that day when I can’t even remember what I had for dinner last night.

MTNPulse8

Another day, I’m in traffic, wondering which ass hole’s car broke down and is making all of us pay for his poor maintenance and my love messages me. She says, “Aww, baby, sorry about the traffic”. And I’m just like how in God’s traffic-infested earth did you know I was stuck in traffic?

Will smith shock

She says, “Babe, its all over Twitter. Everyone is talking about it”. I let it slide. Because I mean, she cares about me all the time, and the care is in the little things. Damn, I love this woman.

Obama nodding

But fam, one day, I’m just lying on my bed, having that Saturday morning chill when you’ve just had the worst week of your life. I just want to be alone and not be with anyone. That includes, my family, my friends, and even my fiancee.

stressed

And then she messages me that she is on her way to the house. I’m like, ”Babe, I’m currently at my dad’s place trying to sort out stuff.” and I went on about how the things I was currently doing was extremely important.

kanye shake head gif

Babe just replied me with,

Why you always lying

And she goes, ”Babe, you are in the house right now. You got home last night and haven’t even stepped out all day. Anyway, I’m coming with food.”

Caleon surprise

She arrived and I’m still stunned. Later that day, I meet up with my guys and tell them the latest. ”Guys’s I think my babe is tracking me.”

Fainted gif

So our official tech guy decides to lecture us about bugs. Oga we’ve watched enough movies to know about bugs abeg. He checks my phone and finds no evidence that I’m actually being tracked.

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I just go on living my life of feeling monitored.

One day, I need to do some stuff that might need me to get my hands dirty, so I take off the engagement ring. For the first time ever, I notice there’s a tiny party inside that can actually be lifted. Fam, I saw GPS inside engagement ring.

Wedding ring GPS

I’m confused and worried. What will I do at this point? Somebody epp.

Hands on head1

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The Fu'ad

That go-to guy for different sturvs. Books and the Internet have taken him to Mars. He still loves his Garri with very cold water. Yeah, Content and Copy rock.

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