Lagos recorded 150 rape cases in one year, here are 9 ways you can make the numbers higher

In the past one year, 150 rape cases were recorded in Lagos, according to the State Commissioner for Youth and Social Development, Uzamat Akinbile-Yussuf.

We know the numbers are higher, considering the amount of rapes that get unreported for many reasons.

Hands on head

But then again, because you always find a way to make sure the next rapist has motivation, here are a few sure ways to increase the number of rapes that happen:

1. Have you blamed the victim today?

Have you reminded her that it is her dress that caused it?

Nene Leakes look at you

Why was she tempting him? If the perpetrator is your husband, beat her for trying to destroy your marriage, because daddy is infallible and must not be held accountable.

michelle angry

Tell her that when she wears a funny dress, she is basically giving her rapist green light.

So when next one dude tries to force his way into a woman, he will say it is because you once said her short dress means she is asking to get raped. Bad girl.


2. Do not report it to the police.

Do you want to spoil the names of the families involved? Bad belle.


So when 17-year-old Wale woke up in the middle of the night to try to have his way with his 14-year-old cousin, and got caught, his parents kept it a secret. Because what will people say if they found out?

Well, they found out anyway, because one day, while 3-year-old Chidinma was playing outside, Wale
told her to come and take biscuit. The rest of the story is blood, tears, and a lifelong scar.

So when it happens again,


If I hear pim.


3. Why should you even teach men control?

It is fine if you teach the women to cover up more, but it is unimportant to teach the men control.

Will smith what

This way, the men know that a woman who shows just a little skin is asking to get raped. Give the girls the perfect predator-prey punchline.

Pete hyena

Forget that men are advanced creatures that make their own choices, unlike hyenas who eat their own children if the mothers are not careful.

Again, when the next rapist is asked why, he will say he lost control. When they ask him why he couldn’t control himself, he’ll say it is because you said control is not important for men.



4. For the male victims,

Someone stronger than him pinned him down, and forced themselves on him? Waawu, it is only right that you ask,

Patience real man

Because what else makes a man besides physical strength? Nothing else is important.

When a woman forces themselves on them against their will, even if they are kids, the first thing you must ask them is this.

Mr Bean admit it sweeting

Because men are only capable of wanting to have sex, and not anything else.


5. Teach the women that men have earned the right to their bodies.

So when a woman receives a gift from a man, it is only logical that she return the favour in kind. And if she refuses, then she’s telling stories for the gods.

Olamide fuck

Or she’s just an Akagum.


Even if they are married, and she’s having a bad day, or just not in the mood, tell the husband that because he has paid bride price, he has every right to every inch of her body, and can do with her whatever he likes.



6. Tell her every home/hotel visit means she’s asking for sex.

So when she pays a visit to her friend, she’s asking for it. Why else does she keep coming if she isn’t asking for it?

kanye shake head gif

Don’t bother to tell the rapist that ‘no’ means ‘no’, and not ‘try harder’.


7. Tell the victims to get over it abeg.

Tell them all the list of things they did wrong. Forget the rapist abeg, is it his or her fault that konji is a bastard?

In fact, you can make the victim feel guilty enough and even possibly apologise to their abuser and promise never to do it again.


8. Don’t teach your children about sex education.

Why would you be having such evil discussions with your children? There is no need for that.


Don’t worry, the househelp will teach them, or uncle, or that nice neighbour who never runs out of sweets. They’ll learn well.


9. Leave it to God.

Since rape is the handiwork of the devil, a spiritual being, it is best to leave the battle to God since both of them exist in the spiritual realm. Forget that the devil didn’t hold anybody at gunpoint, or that God always loves for justice to prevail.


Now sit back, and watch the number soar. You should be proud of yourself at this point.

Clapping crying




When God was sharing chill, I was at the back of the line trying to start a fire.

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