Somebody pinch me o, I must be dreaming.
So I have been called a ‘rabid feminst’, a ‘twitter feminist’ and all other fascinating prefixes because I have a mouth and a brain, and somehow I ensure that both work in unison.
What they don’t understand is that it’s not always Boko Haram or some random strange man that oppresses and promote harmful stereotypes about women, sometimes it’s multinational companies who should know better.
I was at home watching television when I stumbled on this masterpiece.
This is the new advert from Promasidor advertising the new mascot for their stock cubes Onga.
Where do I even start?
Oh yes here.
The woman in the blue Ankara is Christine. This whole advert is supposed to be about her. She and her husband are hosting his friends and their babes. For somebody so important to this story, they don’t even bother to show her face.
This is one of the plus ones that followed Mr. Christine’s friends (that was a lot to type). She is the only woman in this entire advert that speaks. And all she does is ask how Christine and her asoebi wearing husband met.
This is revolutionary, because normally the woman would just ask the other woman how she got her food to smell so good.
This question is also important because of all of Mr. Christine’s friends, he is the only one who has been trapped by a wife. The rest are still single spinsters trying to trap. How do I know this?
Simple arithmetic. There are four couples in this picture; how many of them are wearing aso-ebi?
Now that we’ve established that, let’s move on.
Mr. Christine, who doesn’t understand English decides to go off-point and gist us about his long history of dating girls just so he can go eat food oshofree in their houses with his olojukokoro best friend.
There was this ‘hot’ girl (by 2Go standards) whose food was too hot for him. Which is not surprising considering he didn’t give her money to cook it.
Then there was this ‘good girl’ (obviously express delivered from some backwater village in old Nollywood) whose buckets of home training somehow did not reach how to make a decent jollof rice.
His Olojukokoro friend was going to expose him some more so he immediately changed the topic to the ‘hero’ of this advert Christine. He tells us when he first met her, he never thought she would be able to cook, because she didn’t ‘look’ like the kind of girl who ‘owns’ a kitchen.
First off, since we are two thirds through this advert and nobody seems to think it matters, this is Christine.
What part of Christine’s appearance suggests that she is a ‘wayward’ girl who can’t cook? Her conservative makeup? Her fleek brows? Her braids laid to the gawds? I’m confused.
Even more confusing is this magical cooking ability Christine supposedly has. From the way her hubby was chatting shit, you would think she was in the farm, growing the crops and grinding the spices.
Home girl put water on the fire, cut kpomo and GOOGLED a gaddemn recipe for ordinary vegetable soup!
And of course, the grand finale; bad girls have 20/20 vision, good girls have bad eyesight.
Maggi that celebrated World Jollof Rice day and didn’t perpetuate sexist stereotypes, do they have two heads?
Better mind yourself.
Ahn-ahn. All of a sudden her eyesight went bad? What was it, smoke from the fire?
I literally wore a black panther uniform in my mind and bought a sniper.