Aunty: the sister of one’s father or mother or the wife of one’s uncle.
We all know this definition doesn’y apply in Nigeria, right?
Your aunty is either family, or someone who has been around long enough to be family. Or someone who would say “I’m old enough to be your mother” when you try to dodge her slap. And really, just any much older woman.
So here are all the types of Aunties you’d probably see at your next big family event;
1. Gossip aunty.
If you need a story to travel round the family fast, just whisper it in her ear. If you need the story to travel faster, tell her not to tell anyone.
2. Morality Police.
What are all these satanic tattoos on your body, have you joined Illuminati? Why do you have piercing everywhere? Have you become a prostitute? Better go and shave your Boko Haram bear bear.
Yep. That’s that aunt you have to keep avoiding.
3. No job, but living large.
Nobody knows what she does. You just see her at every event looking like the ultimate baby girl. And she always has money to dash. All the other aunties talk about her behind her back, but does she care? Not much.
4. The hot aunt.
This is like the most confusing aunty. She’s supposed to be old. But here she is, banging like a 20-something here old. She lives your mind confused every time like,
She drinks only fine wine too. Damn.
5. Stronghead Aunty.
This one has put herself in competition with the hot aunt. She makes up like this,
And dances like this,
This one needs to chill, real bad.
6. Single and killing it Aunt.
She wings with the hot. In fact, they always arrive together. When single aunt was tired of her marriage, Hot aunt help her find an escape. Now they are inseparable. All the other aunties openly despise them, but we all know they really want the baby girl lives that they’re living.
7. When will you marry?
So how are your boyfriends and girlfriends? When will you marry?
Aunty shebi you were the one saying we shouldn’t talk to boys that time?
8. Big Mummy.
This is the aunty everyone looks up to since your grandparents died. She’s constantly on meds, constantly having to treat one thing or the other, but she is always, always smiling.
I’m gradually falling into the category of the morality aunty!!!