If El Chapo were Nigerian his story would play like this

“You have brought one son into the world, but everyone in this land can be called an Alexander.” – Alexander The Great in a letter to his mother regarding Afghanistan.

Sheldon gif

Lets face it, even though Mexico is almost 12,000km from Nigeria, we can relate to the El Chapo story in one form or the other. Joaquín “El Chapo” Archivaldo Guzmán Loera was rearrested a few days ago nearly six months after he escaped from a security facility.

Lets say he’s Nigerian.


He goes back to prison. No not Kirikiri, the one at Ikoyi. That is where all the baby boys go.

After some repeated trips to court because the judge keeps adjourning, Our Chapo will be sent off with a scandalously short jail term. Because when you are a boss and you end up in prison, the judge will have to be compassionate.

One the day he leaves prison, all his fans, friends and family will be celebrating outside, complete with aso ebi.

Aso ebi

El Chapo slumps into the shadows for a short while, maybe two years. In this time, he’ll grant interviews talking about his sufferhead childhood. These sufferhead stories are very very important. How else can market sell?

El chapo meme

Then a group will appear from nowhere, they’ll be called the ‘Ass-kissers of El-Chapo’ Friends Of El-Chapo. They are the ones who see the good in him, the same ones who in a short while, will start to release for El-Chapo for senator jingle.


As usual, he will share rice. Stomach infrastructure is always in. Then he’ll win. Easy.

And who knows, one day he just might be president.

And when the enemies rant about his dark history, he’ll leave them with one line.


Kid Cudi


No vex.

Na God.



The Fu'ad

That go-to guy for different sturvs. Books and the Internet have taken him to Mars. He still loves his Garri with very cold water. Yeah, Content and Copy rock.

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