How Danish parents talk about sex vs. how Nigerian parents do

Danish people don’t have time to waste, at least that’s what this children’s book is telling us.

The “How Baby Is Made” book basically teaches children everything from sex to delivery, as it is.

Black woman shock

We managed to take a peek at what’s inside the book, and boy is it loaded. It tells in child-speak how conji starts to catch daddy and he starts to follow mummy bumper to bumper.

Danish

The next stage is the actual knacks stage. Boy oh boy. You can literally see his sperm cells swimming to the eggs, because life is too short for coded sturvs.

Danish1

Next is how the sperm and egg slowly come together to form the foetus. Because babies don’t fall from heaven. Somebody has to put it there.

Danish2

Then they show us how the baby grows in the womb, complete with daddy and mummy touching each other’s bum bum, because no time.

Danish3

Aha! The main part where they get to see baby flying out of mummy.

Danish4

The End!

But when you’re a child and you mention sex in front of a Nigerian parent.

Samtakesoff slap

Next question is, where did you hear it from? And then you’ll probably say “Uncle Lagbaja said this and that”, and then they’ll be like.

Hands on head

“Lagbaja has killed me. Lagbaja!” They are screaming his name. “Oya come and explain what you were telling this child!”, and when Uncle Lagbaja tries to explain,

Patience Ozokwor slap

“Oya, Uncle Lagbaja,” the parent will begin the final verdict, “You have tried in our house. Oya come and be going.”

leaving crying

 

But that is not where the story ends, we made a list of everything that happens when Nigerian parents talk about sex with their kids.

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comments

Ade

When God was sharing chill, I was at the back of the line trying to start a fire.

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