So they have finally (FINALLY) floated our currency.
I cried for nearly a year, cursed Buhari, cursed Jonathan, bought more bend-down-select than I’ll ever publicly admit, found out you can make stew with something other than tomatoes and discovered that in an economic recession, privately operated public transportation can come back to bite you in the ass.
After finally depleting the reserves, seeing reason, our CBN governor, benevolent Dr. Godwin Emefiele finally announced that they are going to ‘float’ the naira. After doing thanksgiving and going to troll the wailing wailers on Twitter I finally got down to business and instituted some major changes in my life.
First things, first…
Oh ASOS how I have missed you, (side-eyes Jumia and their atrocious service). I also pre-emptively filed for bankruptcy because I am going to shop till I drop.
Then I did a quick exchange rate check to remind myself of what the bad old days used to be.
I AIN’T POOR NO MO…
I exchanged the dollars I had been saving in case Emefiele’s stubbornness allowed our economy to reach Zimbabwe levels of inflation.
Deleted my God Is Good app. Travelling by night bus has its perks but airlines about to get all of that moneys so cheaper flights. I hope.
Then I remembered that Arik is steady using people’s destiny to play ten-ten and reinstalled the app. Gats keep them on their toes.
Called all my friends who worked in banks to check if they’re still in a job.
When Nigerian banks were using 100$ a barrel to play kalu-kalu they didn’t know that day of reckoning was coming, now they’re sacking people left and right.
Lied to my family I am no longer seriously considering going to enter ship in Libya so I can go and wash plate in the abroad.
If things don’t improve, might still have to replace my graduation gown with Magdonalds face cap.
Me when the waiter brought our bill at one of these fancy Island restaurants and my ajebutter friends (who used to pay before they floated naira) said ‘Let’s split the bill equally.’
B.R.B, investing in palm oil as tomato don’t want to put some RESPECK on my wallet.
How do you think the new foreign exchange policy will change your life?