Forget feminism, Disney heroines are probably one of the biggest influences on 21st century women. They are the reason girls want to faint in public so that prince charming will come and kiss them to life.
They are also why it is criminal for innocent, harmless men to be broke and ugly at the same time.
What if these princesses were Nigerian? Well, we imagine how their lives would look:
1. Belle of Beauty and the beast is the orente that doesn’t complain. See how she turned out in the story. Ladies take note.
No guys, Adekunle Gold is not a beast.
But see the glo up now,
2. You know why Cinderella didn’t go for the concert? The online store she ordered from did not deliver her Louboutin shoes on time (we’re looking at you Jumia and Konga.)
And the fairy godmother who tried to bring it herself?
She crash landed at Oshodi. The aftermath images are too graphic.
3. Snow White is the Instagram celebrity. All her lai skin comes from a small plastic jar of cream. Setting thirst traps for innocent Insta dwarves boys since 1653.
Yeah, she wears butt pad too.
4. Aurora the Sleeping Beauty is always high on something, not sure if it is weed or codeine. Even when it seems like she’s woke, she’s actually sleeping.
5. As for Ariel the little marine spirit, we can’t say much but we know for sure she’s that one Falz has been avoiding.
6. Tinker Bell from Peter Pan is that clingy girlfriend who has verified the authenticity of all your cousins on the family tree.
7. Rapunzel is that girl with the very long hair but we have a problem.
Her Nigerian identity can not be revealed, for fear that she would be kidnapped, and converted to a human hair factory.
8. Merida in Brave is that girl that hangs with the boys because she just can’t deal with girl drama. She’s the princess for the girls that don’t like princesses.
Pick your Merida.
9. Mulan is that girl that goes for the muscle stuff, and still finds a way to boss it.
10. Jasmine of Aladdin is that Hausa VIP chick that is dating a Yoruba Yahoo boy who somehow has access to a private jet.
But wait first, private jet?
Maybe he knows Diezani.
11. Pocahontas is the Calabar girl they lured to come and do house help work in Lagos.
Just wollup. Using underage housemaids is not cool.
12. We can all agree that Elsa from Frozen will monetise her power as PHCN has refused to have sense.
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