All the things that happen when you are stopped at a police checkpoint

You’re just driving one day, and you see a police checkpoint ahead. They should be looking like people who mean you well, but this is what you will see.

Nigerian-Police-at-checkpoints

 

If your car looks important, they allow you pass like this.

Police-3

 

But if your car looks like you have your mechanic on speed dial,

Inner light

At this point, there are only two types of people; there are the clean people and the patriots. But you see, when these policemen decide to have your time, there will only be one type of person; the frustrated person.

frustrated_gif

 

A police checkpoint is the US embassy visa rehearsal nobody told you about. They are going to ask for your insurance, your licence, your fire extinguisher, your MOT certificate, your life certificate.

confused baby

 

You see, when these guys want you to be guilty of something, it will happen. Do you know there have been at least two different types of issued tinted permits in the last two years alone. Do you know if you’re carrying the latest?

I told you

 

Just face it, the Police is your friend. And your friend is the person that sees your flaws. They already found yours. What they choose to do with it is their choice.

Hands on head

Now listen carefully.

Liam neeson checkpoint

Buhari will say it is bribery and corruption. Others will say this is just you buying back your time.

The first policeman to approach you is Mr Incorruptible.

Black man station

 

You will beg and do pity face tire.

gaze gif

Nope. Not interested. Until you say the password.

“Officer, epp me”

Policecheck

 

Just because Police is your friend. Your friend will help you to save time when you need it the most. Buhari will say it is corruption, but the officer will say he’s just your helper.

Buhari behaVE

 

Now this is important. This is like buying stuff at the market. You need to bargain properly. Now, you are no longer Policeman and offender. You are now customer and trader.

Nod

 

They will ask you how much you have. You must start off with one touching story and tell them “all the money you have” is what you want to give them. It is the honourable thing to do. When armed robbers stop you and collect all your money, do you ask them for transport fare?

kanye shake head gif

 

So drop money.

But don’t let the money just waste like that. Network, collect their number. One day, someone is going to offend you and you’re going to need them to help you lock them up for a few nights. Haters (Buhari) will say it is illegal detention. But we say, it’s just one of the ways you provide your own security in Nigeria.

Nene Leakes sleep

 

Now, go and sin no more. None of this even happened.

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Ade

When God was sharing chill, I was at the back of the line trying to start a fire.

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