Nigerians parents are the best, the weirdest, and the most amazing altogether. These stories are proof.
I remember when I was 8, I slept off while watching TV, my dad woke me up with his belt, as I jumped up, he saw dat I urinated on d chair. He just went in and brought out all his belts, as he went in I safely positioned myself inside kitchen cabinet and said instead of him to kill me, let heat kill me. – Imelda
My mum kept some money that my uncle gave me back in the 80s. It was supposed to have been shared between my brothers and I. She promised that she would give us the money to spend ourselves (which we knew was a lie). Long story short, I went visiting recently and she shouted that I should come and pack my load oh. She said she doesn’t want termites in her room oh! Lo and behold, 50 naira in 5 naira notes in an envelope marked “from uncle Yinka.” – Seni
To turn on the TV, we’d have to dampen a rag and place on the back of the TV so it doesn’t get hot while the fan is on the highest. Then stand by the window to watch for when my dad is approaching. On one fateful day, he deliberately packed the car out of sight and came in through the back door. When my dad gets back from work and you greet him welcome, before he answers you he’ll first go feel the TV, if its cool, he replies your greeting, but if the devil had you in mind that day, his reply will “who put on the TV” and then you knew it was about to go down. – Godwin
This one time I asked my friend to help relax my hair bcuz I wanted to do fine boy in school, and my dad saw us. I didn’t even notice because my eyes were closed. It was until my friend finished washing my hair he then told me my dad has seen us. Oh boy, I saw 50 naira to go barb my hair on my bed. Despite the afari colondo I barbed, my dad gave me exclusive beating, I’m talking premium service. – Tobi
Asking our fellow compound children to watch out for when my father is coming, he always tells us to clean the house and read our books after school, which we never do, until a compound child sites our father coming from the street “una papa don dey come o”. Oh men the way the rooms get cleaned up in 5 seconds and we are all already reading or writing was so magical. – Precious
I tried to scare my parents once by telling my little brother to tell them that I was about to commit suicide by drinking the chemical used for washing the dogs’ kernel. Of course it was at a time when I was being accused of doing something I didn’t do. I swear till this day “I DID NOT DO IT”. I thought they’d realize the extent to which their accusations had driven me. By the way, mum was the demonic one, daddy just followed instructions like a good boy when it came to our discipline. But this very day the following conversation ensued and I concluded I must have been adopted: “mummy, daddy help!! brother is about to kill himself”. Mum looks at dad and says to my brother “someone that truly wants to die won’t announce it”. The one that broke my heart was when dad shouted “you better succeed or else if u survive you’re dead”. I wasn’t sure which way to choose for my end on earth. – Ade
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