It is expensive to gain weight.
You have spent all this time insulting fat people on the internet, well guess what? You have just been hating from outside of the club because you can’t afford to get in.
To gain weight, you have to be eating every three hours to achieve a goal of 500 calories daily. By the way, it must be food high on protein, fat and carbs but especially animal-based protein, all in this economy where pure water is now
Lagos wants some of that extra KG you’re gaining.
And you will donate via long hours in traffic (where you can’t even replenish the lost weight with Gala and Viju milk any more). Police Checkpoints will suck your weight with straw and its greedy elder brother LASTMA is up next on the queue.
Your job wants some too.
Your Boss has seen the extra skin at the back of your ears. You’re now slouching in your chair like a rich man. You think you have arrived. You have joined bad gang.
But not to worry, your boss will help add some more stress to your life to reduce the size of the fat chicken wings that is making your carry your shoulders up.
You still can’t eat just anything.
According to experts, when you’re gaining weight, you’re either bulking up in fat or muscle and the latter is the healthier choice over the former. So you’re advised to stay away from foods high in sugar or starch content for protein and fat alternatives. Oh you thought because its weight gaining, you can just start chomping down on anything edible until you start thickening like pap?
You need an actual plan.
Apparently you can’t even freestyle gaining weight by showing up at every Owambe in Lagos with paper bags to pack home your seconds while simultaneously avoiding your local gym like a plague, you need an actual plan.
You need a goal to work towards, a calculated diet plan of 30% protein, 30% carbs and 40% fat and for some reason, you still have to work out so all the weight you’re trying to gain don’t lodge in the wrong parts of your body. You need leaner muscles, not bigger belly.
Godspeed with your fat hustle.