1. What is a family party without asoebi?
Because the glo up is only complete with the colours.
2. Someone says, “You’re now a big girl oh! Small girl of yesterday.”
Excuse me ma, I’m not your mate.
3. “How are your boyfriends?”
They are fine ma.
4. “How is school/work/life?”
Still trying to figure out my life. Leave me you people.
5. “Remember aunty kini and Uncle Dona?”
I was a baby, how can I remember?
6. “Oya come and greet this person, and that person, and that person.”
Hay God. Why me?
7. And then your parents start telling these strangers everything about your life.
Why are you doing this to me you people?
8. You tell one person one secret and by evening, everyone is telling everyone your secrets.
Waawu. And I’m supposed to trust you people.
9. Another aunty hits you with “So if there was no party now, somebody will not hear from you again”?
Sorry ma, but why you no call me too?
10. Someone calls you that embarrassing nickname from from when you were a kid.
11. Another person goes, “When you were a baby I used to…”
Oya now. Tell everybody I poopoo’d on your hand for the 35th time.
13. You see an attractive person at the party and start up a conversation.
At last. Sigh.
14. And then an aunty comes screaming, “He’s your younger cousin oh!”
What? Is it because he’s my uncle’s wife’s brother’s 2nd cousin?
15. You see that unattractive cousin that has glo’d up and you start wondering why you’re related.
Dude, you used to be really ugly. Muzzbe magic.
16. And when it is finally time to go home.
*Carrying one week of jollof rice and meat inside one plastic bag*