Death happens once, but the “I done die” moments can come a thousand times. Here are a few you’ll probably relate to;
1. When you’re inside a bus with A/C and you’re sweating because shit is catching you.
Beans is not your friend.
2. You’re trying to steal meat in the midnight and the cover of the pot falls.
3. Or when you just enter the house and meet your mum waiting with cane.
Mummy, whatever it is, I didn’t do it.
4. You’re on your own inside a bus and someone at the back says, “oya everybody bring out your phones.”
5. That time you were at home and you heard someone knocking at 1 a.m saying they were your customers.
6. Or when you were home alone and you heard something like a voice in the next room.
Its nor me that killed you please.
7. You bet your salary on a football team and they lose. And its the first week of the month.
Oh Arsenal, this month hath 31 days.
8. You finish withdrawing from the ATM and someone says you should dash them all the money because they have a gun and you don’t.
Excuse me sir, at least gimme small for transport na.
9. When you’re at a job interview holding in a fart but the thing is just a bastard and it breaks free.
We tell us about yourself, not show us your true colour!
10. When you are forming fast and furious until you bash a General’s car.
It is just a drill sir.
11. When you’re speaking clean English but the mopol still gives you dirty slap.
Don’t I have rights?
12. When you were a kid and your curfew met you outside and you want to enter the house.
Is this the end of my short life?
13. That time your babe’s military father caught you hugging his daughter.
Sir, I’m not a terrorist.
14. When you forgot your licence at home, and a traffic official stops you.
Fight or flight?
15. When your father tells you to pass your WAEC for the fourth time and you fail again.
Fuck this I’m going to become a…*cries in Koboko*
16. When you’ve abused the conductor and you realise halfway that you forgot your wallet at home.
Kuku kill me.