15 heartbreaks you will recognise from your Nigerian childhood

1. “If you come first, I’ll buy you bicycle.” But now you are old enough to have kids and the bicycle still hasn’t come through.

Sad Chiwetel

Muzzbe campaign promise.

2. You got a deep cut when you were out playing. You go home expecting pampering and care.

Teacher flogging

I will kill you because I am your mother.


3. “Bring the money let me help you keep it,” but when you ask for your money,…

Ngozi meme

Na me fuck up


4. You tell your daddy to buy you Playstation and he brings home family com.


“Game is game. Manage it”

5. You asked your dad earlier for permission to go out to play and he says yes.


Daddy’s the best.

On your way out, mummy asks, “Have you washed all the plates in the sink?”


sad boy

Small play.


6. You go visiting with your mum and when they ask you if you want something, your mum gives you that eye.

Fat kid with cup

*Dying inside*

7. Late night movies start at 10pm and just when you thought your mum forgot, you hear “Off the TV” at 9:55.

chuzzu cry

But there’s no school tomorrow na.


8. Your daddy just finished beating the hell out of you and 10 minutes later, he’s like do you want Fanta?

leaving crying

Why are you doing my emotions like this?


9. You balance well to watch your favourite show but your daddy wants to watch news.

Just look at

*Sleeps off after 4 minutes*


10. You are in deep sleep and your mummy wakes you up to come and help her change the TV channel.

gaze gif

Mummy but… the remote is right there.


11. You tell your father you want to become a painter like Picasso and he paints dirty slap on your face.

Deliverance slap

When you start paying the bills, you can decide what you want to be.


12. “Just come, I won’t beat you.”

Crazeclown slap

But you come and they kuku send you to their ancestors.


13. You get 9/10 in a test thinking they’ll be proud, but they call you a failure.

African dad

“Every time game! game! game!”


14. They take you visiting to their friend’s and say “We’ll soon be going home” but they have refused to stand up for the past two hours.

Astro Crying

*Imagining whats happening in your favourite show at the moment.*


15. You wanted to go out with them, and they said “Go and wear your slippers”.

Odulade smile

And you ran to wear that slippers, but when you got back, they were gone.

crying holding


We have a theory though.

tinubu wait for it

Maybe our parents made us grow up with all these heartbreaks.  You know, just so that the disappointment of Nigerian governments back to back can be easier to tolerate.



It’s probably because we’ve normalised disappointment that we haven’t pulled them out into the streets.



The Fu'ad

That go-to guy for different sturvs. Books and the Internet have taken him to Mars. He still loves his Garri with very cold water. Yeah, Content and Copy rock.


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