1. “If you come first, I’ll buy you bicycle.” But now you are old enough to have kids and the bicycle still hasn’t come through.
Muzzbe campaign promise.
2. You got a deep cut when you were out playing. You go home expecting pampering and care.
I will kill you because I am your mother.
3. “Bring the money let me help you keep it,” but when you ask for your money,…
Na me fuck up
4. You tell your daddy to buy you Playstation and he brings home family com.
“Game is game. Manage it”
5. You asked your dad earlier for permission to go out to play and he says yes.
Daddy’s the best.
On your way out, mummy asks, “Have you washed all the plates in the sink?”
6. You go visiting with your mum and when they ask you if you want something, your mum gives you that eye.
7. Late night movies start at 10pm and just when you thought your mum forgot, you hear “Off the TV” at 9:55.
But there’s no school tomorrow na.
8. Your daddy just finished beating the hell out of you and 10 minutes later, he’s like do you want Fanta?
Why are you doing my emotions like this?
9. You balance well to watch your favourite show but your daddy wants to watch news.
*Sleeps off after 4 minutes*
10. You are in deep sleep and your mummy wakes you up to come and help her change the TV channel.
Mummy but… the remote is right there.
11. You tell your father you want to become a painter like Picasso and he paints dirty slap on your face.
When you start paying the bills, you can decide what you want to be.
12. “Just come, I won’t beat you.”
But you come and they kuku send you to their ancestors.
13. You get 9/10 in a test thinking they’ll be proud, but they call you a failure.
“Every time game! game! game!”
14. They take you visiting to their friend’s and say “We’ll soon be going home” but they have refused to stand up for the past two hours.
*Imagining whats happening in your favourite show at the moment.*
15. You wanted to go out with them, and they said “Go and wear your slippers”.
And you ran to wear that slippers, but when you got back, they were gone.
We have a theory though.
Maybe our parents made us grow up with all these heartbreaks. You know, just so that the disappointment of Nigerian governments back to back can be easier to tolerate.
It’s probably because we’ve normalised disappointment that we haven’t pulled them out into the streets.
Kuku kill me. See only me laughing in the room like a mad man.
Una no go kill me o.