13 signs that spell doom for every Nigerian child

The greatest horror for every Nigerian child is not darkness, it is that blinding light before the sharp pain.



These are the signs that shit is about to go down.

 1. When your mother calls your full name.

Screaming name

Oh Lord!

2. When your mum would normally speak English but she switches to your local language.

Krusty Krab


Local language. Local violence.

3. When your father greets you welcome with a glowing smile.


Welcome my son. Come and suffer.

4. When your father just got back from work and he starts looking for his belt.

Samtakesoff belt


5. When your teacher is complaining about your unseriousness but your mum is just doing the Jega.


When we get home, we shall see.

6. When your mother goes to bed early after you’ve offended her.


See you in the midnight when I come to wake you up with belt.

7. When they start to ask you impossible questions.

Kanye meme

Did you chop shit?

8. When your mother is shouting at you and she starts breathing heavily.

Ngozi slap

Go and bring my cane.

9. When you and your mum are joking and she just smiles at you and says “You’ve grown wings abi?”



Izz like you don’t know your mate again.

10. In the middle of Afmag Yoruba, she suddenly mutes the TV.


Oya, tell me what you did. I’m listening.

11. When your parents are arguing and you suddenly hear them screaming your name.

sad boy


When the elephants fight.

12. When your mother used her last money to cook soup and the morning after, it is already sour.


Mummy its nor me.

13. When your dad says “Tell me the truth, I won’t beat you.”

Kanayo smiling

Say the truth and it shall fuck you up.



The Fu'ad

That go-to guy for different sturvs. Books and the Internet have taken him to Mars. He still loves his Garri with very cold water. Yeah, Content and Copy rock.

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