There is no bigger nightmare for a Nigerian parent than to have a child that despite all their best efforts has decided to join bad gang.
This is why it always surprises me that Nigerian parents are the same people that will now cock block and frustrate you right into the arms of the bad gangs that they are so afraid of.
If you are a young Nigerian trying to live your life with poke-nosing parents then you will definitely recognize this:
When people dash you money and your parents steal it and threaten you when you complain
Nigerian parents cannot use eye to see money, especially money they can use force to collect. Later they will say only Government is corrupt.
When your father asks you to go and wear shoe so you can go out together and then they leave you.
a.k.a the real reason why we all have trust issues.
Every time you ask them for money they say no.
Many of our parents grew up walking 10 kilometres to school without shoes (like a certain G.E.J) and didn’t see any pocket money till they started earning their own. But they sha don’t want to hear that times have changed. If you like, be dying, shi-shi will not leave their hand.
They don’t allow you have friends over.
What are you doing with friends when you have book to read? You want to go and join bad gang abi?
They force you to go to a Christian university.
All the Sunday school and bible study at home is not enough for you. Ko’jo! The worst part is that they will now send everybody to exotic school in the abroad, they will now send you to Babcock where they will be searching your phone for porn.
And you have to study what they want you to study.
Because have you ever heard of any successful person that is not a doctor, engineer or lawyer? Smh!
You break a plate and they tell you ‘You are useless and will never amount to anything’.
Small play o! You might as well go and get a girl outside pregnant so they have something real to cry over.
They openly favour your irresponsible younger brother over you.
Nigerian parents LOVE to favour bad behaviour. You that are jejely doing good, they won’t even notice. When your irresponsible brother goes and bashes somebody’s car, they will now buy him a new one. It’s like that abi? Okay now.
When they keep comparing you to strangers
If a Nigerian mother has not compared you to every mad person she sees walking down the road because you drove over 40 miles per hour, her body will start peppering her. It’s like magic.
When your parents openly disgrace you in front of other people
You won’t wash plates for six months and you will not hear pim from your parents, it’s now during speech and prize giving day that your parents will remember that open your nyash in front of all the cool kids. Oti kegbe kegbe.
When youre 25 and your parents still insist on giving you a curfew.
This one I don’t understand. Nigerian parents will send you to school on another continent for 9 months in a year, completely alone, but the minute you come home for holidays you’re not allowed to come home after seven. WYD?
Your mother keeps harping on your appearance.
If you keep hair, you are irresponsible. If you barb everything you’re a cultist. If you keep a beard you’re Boko Haram, if you barb everything, you look like a baby prostitute. Learning to ignore your Nigerian mother’s opinions on your appearance is the beginning of wisdom.