1. When your mum is screaming your name so you start to play dead.
2. Then you hear, “If I come and meet you in that place.”
3. Mum: If you break one more plate in this house, I’ll use it to give you tribal mark.
You: *breaks plate*
Am I not your child anymore?
4. You when you first wake Vs. You after running 20 errands.
Kuku kill me.
5. When you’re stealing meat from the pot and your mum is just waiting behind you.
It is the work of the
white walker devil.
6. When they say, “Oya go and feed the dog. It won’t bite you.”
Is this the end?
7. Mum: So you opened the door in the night abi? Oya, start killing all the mosquitoes.
Because insecticides are useless.
8. When you are trying to explain to your mum that her everyday spanking is making you sad and you’re suggest another way:
Pacifism mum. Pacifism.
9. And then your father tries to chook mouth in the matter.
Haba. Small play.
10. Mum: Oya just go to that corner, I won’t beat you.
Mummy are you sure?
11. But even you know what comes next.