Owambe: noun. A party where Nigerians go to drop their Monday-Friday stress and pick up the turn up stress.
If you’ve ever been to one, these are all the people you’ll find there, besides the celebrants of course.
1. The friends and family of the celebrant.
They are either spraying the celebrant, helping them pack money, or making sure everybody is eating. If you have one of them on your side, fam, you’ll have enough food to stash in a plastic bag when you are going home.
2. Shoki gang.
Give them space. These ones bring life to the party after they have tried the Jollof or drank more than a few.
3. “Give me everything you have.”
You see them looking fresh and all, thinking they came because of the celebrant. Nah. They came for the food. Once the food starts going round, everything at the party is no longer important, except the food.
4. “I went to primary school with the celebrant.”
Nope. Nope. These ones are the a.k.a Mogbo Moya. Just give them food so that they can have peace of mind.
5. “Too fresh for this” gang.
These ones like doing as if they don’t even use the toilet. Calm down. Relax. Food is going round so nobody has your time.
6. Selfie Freaks.
Did they really attend the wedding if you don’t see it on Instagram? Nah. Nah.
7. “Aunty you’ve not given me souvenir.”
Just give them plastic if you don’t want them to drop your name as part of their enemies of progress. Go to their house and all the plastics there are “I was there when Taiye wed Tunde”.
8. Fashion Prefects.
If it is slay you’re looking for, come and collect.
9. “What am I doing here?”
We too we are wondering, because these group will just be looking as if their date didn’t show up.
10. Awon Owambe 5-Star Generals.
By their gele, you shall know them. They know the perfect time to stand up and go spray the celebrant money. Their table has all the food and drinks. Everyone who passes their table is greeting them. These ones have been partying before you were born.