10 twisted answers to common Nigerian prayers

Nigerians take prayers very seriously, but we wondered what it’d be like if prayers were answered as they were made. Literally.

1.  Every witch involved in my matter, die!


Then you hear that one of your aunties in the village has died, because she has been supporting you from the village with her advanced technology.

2. Do not pass me by oh Lord!


But God sent opportunity to pass your street and you were inside sleeping.

3. What the Lord has done for me shall be permanent.


God wants to promote your from your current position but you said he should leave you there, permanently.

4. Praying against marine spirits.


But you never forget to ask for catfish at the bar every time. Much hypocrite.

5. Praying for promotion by any means necessary.


But because there are no jobs, someone gets fired so you can get promoted. And then the person goes to pray that God destroys everybody that was responsible for the tragedy. And then you die.

6. Praying that God destroys all the evil in your life currently.


Then the house you live in collapses because it was built on corrupt money. And corrupt money is evil, remember?

7. “New car this year oh Lord.”

Lagos Traffic

You get a car and start to blame government for causing traffic, forgetting that God also answered everybody’s prayer. Seflish much?

8. When you pray about your crush saying “May that man never rest till he proposes to me”.Heart attack

So he just suffers a cardiac arrest and dies from fatigue.

9. When you pray for strength to deal with your man.


So you wake up one morning as Arnold Schwarzenegger so you now have all the strength to beat him up.

10. That moment when you say all my “enemies falls and die!”

Fainted gif

But you just fall down and die, because the only thing standing between you and your progress is yourself.

But as God is not a human being who looks at many prayers from many angles, you’re safe.




When God was sharing chill, I was at the back of the line trying to start a fire.

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