♫ Everybody blow your trumpet o. ♫
This Week in Petty Goals has been busy with all the Pa-ran-ran-ran-ran in Nigeria. And we are not talking about the usual daily morning banter at newspaper stands, this is about the more influential bants.
The week started off with the EFCC going for Fayose like:
The Economic and Financial Crimes Commission found money that is said to have come from former National Security Adviser and Great Santa of the Federal Republic of Nigeria, Col Sambo Dasuki rtd.
But our Ekiti State Governor has one strength; he never goes down without a fight.
Trumpet Wars: The Fayose Strikes Back
Fayose went all 2face Idibia on President Buhari:
Even the president cannot claim to be an angel. The estate he built in Abuja is known to us. His wife was indicted over the Halliburton Scandal (sic). When that American, Jeferson, was being sentenced, the President’s wife was mentioned as having wired $170,000 to Jefferson. Her name was on page 25 of the sentencing of Jefferson.
What followed was the biggest revelation of the week, Aisha Buhari.
She went from baby angel to dog leasher and released…
Trumpet Wars: The Aisha ‘Patience’ Buhari Awakens
Aisha Buhari took to Twitter to rant about Ayo Fayose being an ‘unchained mad dog.’
The first tweet was not really sweet, so Aisha had to come back and tweet another one an hour later, saying she had strength to deal with Fayose.
In those special moments, we remembered our dearly missed Dame Patience Jonathan (Full film here).
Of course, the tweets were deleted later and blamed on hackers like we predicted.
But who deleting done epp?
A letter demanding retraction of his statement was sent to Fayose by Team
Patience Aisha Buhari. While everyone was screaming and having back and forths about the legitimacy of EFCC freezing the governor’s accounts, the anti graft guys were just like:
Their business moved to Zenith Bank, in whose pockets they found the money hiding.
Trumpet Wars: The Phantom Money-Place.
Zenith Bank is quite famous for missing money. Zenith Bank didn’t want to carry last. You see, businesses like Zenith Bank should always appear to be credible and secure, for the sake of investor confidence. Because bad news like this can send stocks crashing down, Zenith Bank too carried their own trumpet.
According to the masters of the way of the trumpet, Sahara Reporters, their sources (which they never seem to run out of) said that Fayose was at the bank recently to beg the management not to leave his bank documents with the EFCC. He also pleaded that they should claim to have funded his campaign.
But Zenith Bank was like:
And while everyone was still ranting about whether the EFCC’s move was legit or not, we entered another stage. As fresh as the previous ones are, this one is fresh like morning Agege bread.
Silverbird Galleria and other properties belonging to the Silverbird group, have been repossessed by the Asset Management Corporation of Nigeria (AMCON).
We bring you:
Trumpet Wars: The Battle for Silverbird.
Apparently, The Silverbird Group has been owing AMCON about 11 billion naira.
If Silverbird goes now, where are we going to watch new movies?
But Ben Bruce tweeted about it.
1-I have been on an international flight and have only just landed. The situation is being resolved and things will be back to normal.
— Ben Murray-Bruce (@benmurraybruce) June 23, 2016
Hopefully, it will be resolved soon, but in all of this, AMCON wants their money paid, as common sense requires of course.
Grand Master of Petty Goals and Brouhaha-General of the Trumpet Olympics, the PDP has just one response to all this:
They believe that Buhari is Hitler’s second coming.
In the words of the elders:
PDP has completely lost it.