For every step of the service year, there’s almost always heartbreak waiting to happen. It all starts from the day you collect your call up letter.
So while you were hoping to get say, Lagos, they post you to Kebbi.
1. Nope. Not me.
Even though the letter clearly has your name and your course of study, you still won’t admit it’s yours.
You’re scrolling through the call-up list to check for the other person bearing your name and surname, because you definitely didn’t get this.
Surprise surprise. You are the only person with that name and surname on the entire list. No one else. All the questions start flooding your mind and you immediately kick into the next gear.
2. WHAT THE FUCK?!
Your uncles and aunties collected your call up number to help you get posted to the state you wanted because their friend in NYSC works with the person who wakes the Governor up every morning.
You dial them to ask how far, but all the stories they give you can be summarised thus;
But you didn’t depend on them 100%. After all, the bicycle they promised you since primary school hasn’t even come through.
So you made arrangements with one sure runs guy. He must have an explanation. But you dial that one’s number and the response kicks you into a more depressing phase.
3. Why me?
The guy’s number has been saying ”The number you have dialled is switched off.” At this stage, you know you have entered one chance, so you just let the emotions take over completely.
You start thinking of all the stories you heard of Corpers going missing, or even rumours of villagers eating Corpers that have too much shakara.
4. Na me fuck up.
You start thinking about all the things you did and didn’t do. You start wondering maybe it didn’t click because the money you gave your runs guy wasn’t mint. Or whether you didn’t scream enough when you were praying about it. But last last,
5. God punish them!
The runs guy for jonzing you. The Government for refusing to scrap NYSC, and everything or everyone you think is responsible for your predicament. Minus yourself of course.
6. I don’t give a damn anymore!
At this point, you don’t care anymore. You don’t care about what anyone has to say, you don’t care about NYSC, about what your family is going to say, or anybody at all. You’re just going to leave everything, go ahead and create a new technology and become a billionaire.
Then it strikes you, all the people that have invented important things in the last 100 years had light. And you don’t.
7. The “God dey” moment has come.
This is when your shoulder drops on this matter, never to rise again.
You now start calling to look for all the people who got posted to that state you hate so much. So you can all hold hands and sing Kumbayah together.
And when people start to tease you about it, you just tell them “Na small thing, it didn’t even bother me at all”.
It’s just camp, you tell yourself. Just camp.
Then it dawns on you that the next one year of your life might happen very slowly in a village that might not even have Internet.
Kuku kill me.