Who is watching all the porn in our God-fearing country? We discuss

Everywhere you turn in Nigeria, you will find a small gathering of people holding a fellowship,

Dammy Krane Prayer

Or a minaret where a Muazzin is calling people to prayer.

muslims praying

Nigerians don’t play with religion, and we kind of understand why. Nobody wants to suffer in this Hell Fire of a country and still go and suffer in the real Hell Fire.

Nene Leakes no

While we are apparently religious, whether we do the supposed Godly things is bants for another day.

hold lips

Here’s an interesting fact; of the 100 most visited sites in Nigeria, two porn websites are just on the list like,

Eddie murphy gif

 

Is there a better way to describe our multi-tasking genius than with this image?

Venn Diagram

Nigerians are mostly either attending a church event, or praying 5 times a day, but how do we manage to satisfy this God-given konji?

It’s simple really; when you love something, you create time for it.

Chris Brown wink

Because not all fingers are equal, we have divided porn consumers into different categories loosely based on their levels of consumption.

 

The Researcher.

When you see porn in their browsing history, they’ll quickly tell you they were browsing for something else and a porn website popped up. Just the way the universe came to exist by accident.

Tupac gif

Waawu. So it popped up on “search results for BBW” and “lesbian porn page two”?

standing ovation

Nice one.
Another type you’ll find in this group are the ones that are really just checking for stuff. They want to gather in theory what they lack in practice.

 

The Omo pastor.

Or Omo Alhaji. Ajebutter22 deserves credit for postulating this theory in song. These ones have a konji and a reputation to protect. So while they are watching porn, they are also putting themselves in service to God. Lets not forget that their browser history is always empty. Talk about serial killer precision.

Praise The Lord?

photo: .lipstickalley

photo: .lipstickalley

The Scholar.

Give it up one time for the people in this place.

Clapping crying

They know the pornstars by name. They know their net worth, countries of origin, debut scenes, and even published works. These ones know the pornstars and their global rankings and follow the porn Oscars back to back.

Surprised

Damn.

 

The Artsy Porner.

These ones will tell you its for the aesthetics. Their headquarters is Tumblr, just because this shit is deep. So while regular people are seeing just breasts and curves, they are writing poems about stars sprinkled over her torso, then two planets orbiting her chests, oh and then there’s the volcano erupting between her thighs.

Just look at

Mr Pornpoet. Clap for yourself.

 

The Blood of Jesus/Astagfirullah clapbacker.

These ones are the people who were sitting on their own and porn came to jam them. They catch it in movies, in the church, on the streets and everywhere and never forget to scream to God that it is not their fault. Statistically, they still consume porn, whether or not they like it. So when you accidentally catch them taking a second look, you get the perfect response;

This is not my real face o

So take this poll, with the fear of God of course:

[poll id=”8″]

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