You’re leaving the house early in the morning, feeling all sharp and fresh.
You leave your house and head for the bus stop because you know that today, you’re going to slay. The bus arrives just in time and you don’t even have to struggle for seat. Lady Luck is smiling at you.
You’ve gone far enough and your bus enters traffic. But you don’t complain, because you have a good seat in the bus and you have internet so all is well.
Then right in the deep of the traffic, you hear thunder rumble. Wow, looks like rain might finally fall afterall. Then you look out the window, and realise that there is no thunder, only clear skies. The rumbling you heard was from your stomach.
Something funny starts to smell in the bus and you know deep down that it is your fart.
Serious shit is catching and you know what you have to blame for this; the watery beans you ate the night before. Because really, this life is just a pot of beans.
Good for you that you dressed well because all the passengers are looking at that one guy who didn’t dress well, and they somehow conclude that someone else did it, not you.
But your cover might blow any time, because the shit is not slowing down and the traffic is not getting faster. Someone besides you asks if everything is okay, but you say you’re fine, but you have a small fever. No dear, you didn’t tell the person shit is catching you.
You want to shout to the driver to be faster but you know that if you shout too much, you will shit in your pants.
And suddenly, the road becomes free and you don’t know whether to laugh because you’ll soon find somewhere to shit, or be crying because you know you won’t make it to your destination.
Then you remember that there’s a bank at the next bus stop. Opportunity.
And you get out and start running to the banking hall. When you get there and the security asks you why you’re in such a hurry, you say you’re there to deposit all your money into the bank quickly.
And immediately you enter the banking hall, you realise that the poop is almost here, and if you move too carelessly, it is going to drop, right there, in the banking hall.
So you start walking to the toilet gently, gently.
When you finally make it to the toilet, and land on the seat,…
Meanwhile, inside the banking hall, everybody is like, ”why is the building shaking?”
But you just step out of the toilet, and look at all the people staring at you now like.
And you go on and live your life, happily ever after.
All my enemies shame on you!