1. You have to explain to everybody that you did it for love and not for Green Card
What is wrong with you people?
2. Or that you didn’t it for money.
3. Your typical Nigerian father says he’s hungry but Oyinbo bae brings pancakes.
Daddy please eat it like that till she learns. Thank you.
4. You bring your Oyinbo bae to Nigeria, but you can’t travel back together, because visa struggle.
The bastard queues!
5. Your boyfriend takes you out on a group date with your friends and then asks aloud for the waiter to split the bill.
Is that how you used to do?
6. When your boyfriend kisses you in public thinking people will clap, but everybody is shouting Audhubillahi and Blood of Jesus!
7. And then you have to tell him not to kiss you outside because somebody can vex and use Juju to scatter your happiness.
Look who’s shouting blood of Jesus now.
Yes Love. Soup is for swallow. Stew if for rice.
9. Your Oyinbo girlfriend going into depression because all you do in Nigerian malls is window shop and drink ice-cream.
Calm down. That’s what our malls are for in Nigeria.
10. Having to explain that the people praying and doing backflips are actually praying and not convulsing.
11. Your Oyinbo lover hears noise outside in the midnight and he want to do “hello? is anybody there?”
Honey you’ll just turn to yam.
12. All this while, your Oyinbo parent in-laws think you’re a gold-digger.
Baby this man is the African Prince we told you about.
13. But the day you hit them with that Jollof,
God bless you my child!