Follow this step-by-step guide to starting a mass protest. You might be needing it

1. You need something to be angry about.

angry frustrated screaming

This is the easiest part sef. It’s like throwing a ball into a lake hoping to touch water. You get the point.

Nod

 

2. My friend, choose your social rant media wisely.

Screaming woman

It doesn’t matter that you’re just looking like this in real life.

text fingers

Just do it. Facebook is good for sharing info, but the real engagement happens on Twitter. And get a short and memorable hashtag #NobodyHasTimeToBeCrammingHashtagAbeg

 

3. Work hard on those tweets till you are ready for the streets.

Terry Crews training

Just pretend you’re burning a lot of calories. That should keep you going.

 

4. When the time is right, fix a date, and venue. And Occupy.

Fat kid with cup

Yeah, this is the last bus-stop for most of your activist friends. The moment they hear, let’s hit the streets, they’ll be like,Leaving

But don’t worry, some people will still show up.

 

5. Dress properly.

Please don’t let devil use you and make you wear camos and their khaki colours.

Nope

Those soldiers or policemen need a reason. You that is planning to wear bum shorts, has koboko touched your bare laps before? Be wise. Follow the protest style guide here.

 

6. If you’re in Lagos, street hawkers have been banned. Better carry bread from the house.

Street hawkers

 

Can we please have a moment of silence?

 

 

7. A protest where you don’t go with a camera, is that one even a protest?

Art Whore

 

The soldiers and mopol might want to behave like animals. Did it even happen if you can’t show people proof on Facebook and Twitter?

 

8. When you hear them shout FIRE ALL OF THEM!!! Listen very carefully.

running woman

Youtube/Ori Inu

Nileseyy Niles

But if you signed up for that, you know, the freedom or death thing and all, then stay.

Leonidas2

It’s not a bad thing, to be honest. Just don’t do it to become a martyr. In Nigeria, we don’t celebrate martyrs, partly because we all have a memory problem.

Ken_Saro-Wiwa

But most importantly, because the same people the yesterday people were protesting against, are the same people running the show today.

So yeah, all the best.

Astronaut bye

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