The Lagos experience is not complete until you have entered one of these buses.
These guys are telling us what their worst experience was like entering a public bus in Lagos.
1. When you think Karishika is on the bus.
Was going from Sabo to Unilag and it was late so I entered the first molue I saw, which happened to be very dingy. I sat in the back, beside a woman shrouded in darkness and carrying a huge basket on her lap. I tried to ignore her but the smell coming form her was Urgh! It smelt like she had bathed in dead fish. Next thing we start hearing a clacking sound from her basket and everybody screams! We even thought she was a mami wata, turns out she was just a fish seller taking home a basket of live crabs. – Edwin
2. When someone takes YOLO too seriously.
The day BRT (they are the new danfos) stopped on the bridge because a woman wanted to poop. Apparently the bus stopped on the bridge, the woman squatted her nyash over the side of the bridge and shat into the water. – Martin, 25
3. When you just can’t take it anymore.
The day I sat beside one really fat woman, really fat, she knew she was fat and already took the space meant for 3 people and wanted another 3 people to join her. That wasn’t even the funny part, what was funny was she claiming there’s space and I should adjust better so the remaining two can join, I just looked at her like… – Samuel, 24
4. When you think they should kuku kill you.
There was this day I was coming from work and was really under the weather, hold up compounded issues and to make matters worse, our danfo’s driver, who tried maneuvering his way around the hold up ended up in a ditch. Before we knew it, the conductor went missing. The driver said he wasn’t with any money. When I thought about trekking from Palmgrove to Oshodi, I wanted to go into a coma that day, willingly. – Penzu, 26
5. When your life starts to feel like the butter between two slices of bread
Having to deal with 3 fat women in the middleseat with one carrying baby and still asking skinny me to shift while a commercial bus public commentator keep spitting on me from then back. – Bello, 25
6. When the enemies following you enter bus with you
I took a bus from Ikorodu to Yaba to go and change dollars someone sent me. Big boy, feeling fly and all. Sat in between two fat women. When I removed my wallet to pay, I couldnt put it back so it wont look as if I’m pressing their yansh. That’s how I dozed off. I got down from the bus when I remembered my wallet. I chased the bus, but it was gone forever. – Ademola, 24
7. When you meet the one person that really needs an ass whooping
One dude reeking of alcohol was using style to tap current then the babe was pissed and called him out but the fucker no apologise come dey call the babe ashawo. – Osh, 25
8. When you really have no fucks left to give.
One time a long night at a party left me cashless in the morning. I dragged around my pants for whatever change I could find and got on a Danfo bus in the morning. It was about 6 in the morning, and I sat in a bus to Oshodi from Lekki Phase 2. There was this woman sitting next to me and preaching. I put earphones in my ear trying to be calm. Next thing this woman keeps shoving me to listen to her. She shoves me hard the first time, second and third time. I don’t do anything, I got her message, but I wasn’t in the mood to give a fuck. So I shifted a little in the small space. Next thing she yanks my earphone out of my ears and goes on about how she’s old enough to be my mother, that how can she be talking to me and I would be putting earphones in my ear. I just sat there, partially trying not to believe someone that was preaching in a bus didn’t just equate herself with my mother, or remove my earphones from my ears. I put the earphone back in and she yanked it out again, stopping in the middle of her preach-prayer to scold me then go back to praying as If nothing happened. It almost became like a game, until someone told her to leave me alone that’s it’s not by force. Instead of listening, she shifted her scold to that one and that’s how both preacher and some passengers began a heated exchange of words. Turns out the first aggressor of the preacher was a Muslim. Others were ambivalent people who hated the guts of bus preachers I guess. Anyway it quickly became a faith matter.
I just sat there with my earphones back in my ears hungry as fuck, angry as fuck and unlooking everything.- Toye, 21
9. When your greatest enemy is yourself
Well, when you hear beans and stomach and danfo, you know how the story ends. – Farouq