Most Nigerian kids grow up on love, Sunday rice, and a fair serving of lies.
Here are some of the best.
1. If you pick up a rubber band you will turn to yam.
The thing about this is that there are two possible scenarios. The first is that no one really ever turned to yam. The second one is no one who turned to yam ever came back to tell us about yamhood, for obvious reasons.
Class of 1990 photograph
2. If you swallow seeds they will grow in your stomach.
3. If you rub dog tears in your eyes you will see spirits.
Did anyone ever get that meeting with Ojuju, or Ishawuru or Ayamatanga? I thought so too.
4. If your food falls on the ground it belongs to satan.
5. If you hit a boy with a broom, his penis is going to shrivel.
You know how you touch a snail and it retreats into its shell? Now imagine it goes in and never comes out again. Ever.
Not a broom but anything will disappear including brain, with this type of flogging.
6. If you bend over and look behind you from between your legs, you’ll see spirits.
The person who came up with this probably saw spirits, you know, people with goat feet etc. And they could only see the spirits for one reason; they were probably very drunk.
Or they just wanted to make sure no one fell for this trap.
7. For the girls, if you allow a boy touch you you will get pregnant.
This statement is the forerunner of infra-red technology. Remember when you just had to establish contact between devices and files were transferred? Also, USB cables were not even invented then. Sound argument.
8. If you want your tooth to grow back, tie it in a nylon of stones and throw it on the roof.
Since oyinbo people call theirs tooth fairy, it means agama lizards are the equivalent over here. For boys, tie about 9 stones. For girls, 7. How sexist. Remember, if a lizard sees you throwing it, your tooth will never grow again. Ever.
So what other lie did you grow up on?