13 things about women you dont need to explain to a guy with older sisters

GIRLS ARE BOYS (WITH BOOBS)

Girls are boys with boobs

Dont be fooled by the figure 8 and those Double D’s. Every guy who grew up with an elder sister knows underestimating how strong and/or vicious a girl can be would be to set yourself up for a world of hurt.

Girl Beat

Girls love rough play, eat like horses and have the most earth shattering farts. And trust me, they fight dirty and will beat the shit out of you if you double cross them. Just like any boy.

ALL WOMEN STRUGGLE WITH INSECURITIES

If there’s anything growing up with elder sisters teaches you, it’s that girls struggle with a lot of insecurities. There is so much pressure on them, so many expectations from so many quarters that they struggle to keep up, and beat themselves up for not being perfect.

 

single as fuck

So be careful about what you say to, and around them maybe?

 

Raven Symone2

PERIOD BOOBS AND EVERYTHING ELSE

So many guys (even ones with elder sisters) are so clueless about periods, you’d think we were still in the Stone Ages. Periods happen people. To every woman of child bearing age. Its the body’s way of saying ‘Hey we dodged the pregnancy bullet for one more month.’ It’s the ultimate detox, its annoying as hell.

I dont want to live anymore

I dont want to live anymore

When a woman doesn’t have periods, its one of three things; horomonal imbalance, some sort of illness or birth control. None of which is great. There is also such a thing as too much of a period. Once a girl’s period crosses the seven day threshold, odds are something is seriously wrong with the plumbing.

Mer Grey Alright

Periods happen, get over it. (If you’re going to say anything during a period, do it with a back rub and chocolates, or don’t do it at all)

 

PADS VS TAMPONS

You really expect all these guys who don’t know what a period is to know the difference between a pad and a tampon. Or even what a pad is? Smh.

Bye

Bye

Listen up cos we’ll only say this once. Pads go into your panties, and look sort of like skate board with flaps. Tampons are about the size of a thumb, go into your vagina, and cannot break hymens or cause orgasms (save for very rare occasions). We could tell you more, but that’s why you have Google. Use it and flourish.

 

Hide Yo Wife

DONT MESS WITH HER PMS

Yup, its real. Any guy who has elder sisters will confirm that much.

 

Screaming woman

When your entire body conspires with your vagina to cause you supreme discomfort while blood literally drip-drips out of your body for days on end; you’re bound to get pissed off by the even the tiniest bit of incompetence. And Nigerian men =/= incompetence. So do us a favor and stay away.

 

Aint nobody got time for y'all

Aint nobody got time for y’all

 

A SEX DRIVE IS SOMETHING BOTH GENDERS HAVE

With the number of times any guy who grew up with elder sisters has had to lie for them, or help them jump the fence so they can go get some paynus, they are well aware of the fact, that contrary to what Nollywood and your partriarchal man of God tells you, women like sex.

 

Horny

They’ll even initiate sex, if they know you aren’t a blabbermouth fuck boy who can’t stop bragging. So shut up and get laid, maybe?

 

Duh 2

Also, when you thought you were fucking your way through her group of friends, maybe, just maybe they were the ones passing you around.

 

Oops

A LITTLE LESSON ABOUT GENITALIA

It’s mind boggling how many men don’t know that urine and babies don’t come out of the same hole. Yup, women have three orifices down there, not the two you think you’re well acquainted with. Plus there are all the external stuff, like labia majora and minora, the clit, the vagina, etc.

Foodie

Also, no woman past puberty is naturally bald down there. Considering you stopped shaving entirely after your solitary encounter with a tube of Veet, you might want to cut them some slack about the pubic hair.

 

Watch yourself

THERE IS SUCH A THING AS GIRL TALK

Now this might come as a surprise to a lot of you stoic first born types, but Girl Talk is a real thing.

U Mad

Girl talk revolves entirely around and about everything other than boys. They talk about businesses, makeup, weaves, movies, music. You name it, they talk about it. They just don’t talk about YOU, or how hot you think you are, or how great your stroke game is. This might be a shock, but we know your ego will pull you through.

Tabling your matter on the group chat

Tabling your matter on the group chat

When they do talk about you though, they will with extreme prejudice and excruciating detail. So don’t forget to shower, and change your underwear everyday and don’t scratch and sniff in public.

And we'll have receipts too

And we’ll have receipts too

SARCASM IS EARNED NOT GIVEN

Nigerian mothers don’t get their license in sarcasm the day they give birth to their first child. It is honed by years of shepherding block headed younger brothers through childhood and then puberty. By the time they get married, they’re on the same shade level as Prince, or Mariah Carey.

Prince

Best believe that two out of three compliments you receive from a girl who isn’t slobbering over your ‘hotness’ is thinly veiled insult, and check yourself before you wreck yourself.

Dun Be silly

MUGU BOYFRIENDS ARE A NATIONAL TREASURE

Whenever you see a guy who is not very bright but constantly boasts about his 100/100 track record toasting babes, you know instinctively that this one grew up without an elder sister. The Mugu boyfriend (or string of mugu boyfriends) is a common landmark in a girl’s life. Sort of like a McDonalds or a Mobile ATM.

BadGang6

 

Usually guys who think gifts and money are substitute for a personality. They ensure that younger brothers and sisters everywhere get their daily dose of ice-cream, suya, pocket money and sharwama.

 

francis odega halla

WOMEN HAVE MOOD SWINGS

No shit sherlock

 

Just PMS and periods, odds are a girl isn’t lying if she tells you she has mood swings. Just being a girl in Nigeria is enough to put you in a mental institution, let alone small mood swings. But if you want logical reasons why a girl might have them:

Puberty, birth control pills (so you dont come and dabaru their lives with your no-condom wearing ass), societal pressure etc etc.

Still think being a girl is easier?

 

Nope

FASHION REALLY ISNT THAT HARD

Model Fail Gif

 

Rompers and playsuits; not the same thing. Skinny jeans and stove pipe jeans; not the same thing. Contour and highlights; not the same thing. Lipstick and Lipstain; not the same thing. Evening dresses and cocktail dresses; not the same thing. Chiffon and tulle; not the same thing. Eyeliner and eye shadow; most certainly not the same thing.

 

Odunlade1

See, if you’d grown up with an elder sister, you’d know the difference.

eye roll 2

WE ALL NEED FEMINISM

We saved this one for last, because even a lot of guys with elder sisters have a hard time understanding this. Only guys with elder sisters who beat or educated some sense into them understand that just because a woman has a vagina doesn’t mean she can be treated like shit and denied opportunities.

Get a life

 

Feminism really isn’t that hard, all women want is the same opportunities you have, in spite of the fact that they have a vagina.

Chimamanda

E hua ta go?

You might have to change some diapers, wash plates and wash plates  but what’s that in the face of equal rights for all?

 

Who run the world

 

 

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